Hi! My name is Audrey YU Jia Hui（俞佳慧）.
I was born Maria Audrey Lukito in Surabaya, Indonesia, on May 1, 1988.
The government at that time severely discouraged the use of Chinese names, so I was not formally given a Chinese name at birth. The use of Chinese language in any public venue was also banned, and so I learned English, French and Indonesian long before learning Mandarin Chinese in depth. [My parents, however, made sure that I learned the basics of Mandarin (grammar, pronunciation and writing) “in secret” by hiring a home tutor, so it wasn’t difficult for me to continue my language studies after the ban was officially lifted.]

It is difficult to narrate my life story in just a few paragraphs, but I feel that my life story can be grouped into three main themes: faith, country and culture.

Faith: The government of Indonesia requires that every citizen declare his/her religion on his/her identity card. When I was younger, there were 5 “official” religions to choose from (Islam, Protestantism, Catholicism, Buddhism or Hinduism), now, there are 6 choices (the aforementioned religions plus Confucianism). Most schools are categorized/segregated based on religion. Therefore, from a very early age, I learned firsthand the “double-edged” nature of religions: On the one hand, people’s faith can help them endure great hardships with patience, courage and integrity; on the other hand, religious people often have the tendency to look down on others who do not hold the same creed. In many religious circles, one learns to assess another human being’s value based on the other’s creed; those who do not hold the same creed are usually seen as “lost” or “damned” and consequently pitied, ignored, or hated—in short, dehumanized. In many religious communities, religious prejudice is often part and parcel of religious piety; it is very common, therefore, to see religious people who are polite, kind and do a lot of charitable deeds who are at the same time hateful, intolerant and prejudiced towards others. Back in 2014-2017, when I was still working as a teacher in Shanghai, Indonesia was rocked by dozens of so-called “blasphemy cases”. People who were rumored to have “blasphemed” found themselves ambushed by mobs of angry people who destroyed their houses and torched down places of worship; almost all of these so-called “blasphemers” ended up being imprisoned, sometimes without any real proof of “blasphemy”. Hoping to help my country, I went to the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, USA, to get my Master’s degree in theology, concentrating in World Religions. What I learned there opened my eyes to the fact that religious intolerance and violence is not exclusive to a certain religion. Religious prejudice has stealthily grown together with all the noble traits of religious faith and piety, and throughout the history of human civilization, we can see many “saintly” and “selfless” figures who were also prejudiced and intolerant towards those who thought differently. I really hope that, in the future, I can use my knowledge to help root out religious prejudice and intolerance, and help create a more peaceful and harmonious world, where people’s innate value is no longer assessed based on their creed, ideology and/or religious belief/unbelief. A world where we can love one another as equals simply because we are human beings.

Country: I am one of those people who grew up wanting to devote my entire life for my country. I guess some people are naturally patriotic. My first love was the Pancasila (Indonesia’s national ideology). I aspired to enlist in the armed forces, then work for the government. I wanted to have friends who are patriotic, a special someone who is also patriotic, and raise patriotic children. I even wanted to be seen as desirable by others because of my patriotism. Unfortunately, due to various factors that pertain to my country’s situation, none of this happened. Eventually, I had to say goodbye to this dream and move to a more compatible place, where hopefully, I can dream again and that this time, my dreams can come true.
[I will refrain from narrating further details out of respect for the country of my birth.]

Culture: I was born into a Chinese family. My father is Hokkien, while my mother is Peranakan. Strangely, I happen to naturally embody those values that are considered as great virtues in Chinese culture: a love for one’s studies, for society and for one’s country. Unfortunately, certain countries tend to conflate Chinese culture with PRC politics. For example, the Indonesian government used to ban everything Chinese (Chinese names, language, culture, publications, TV shows, and even Chinese New Year celebrations) simply because it did not agree with PRC’s politics. Similarly, when I was getting my Master’s degree at Notre Dame, some of my friends refused to pray for me (who missed speaking Chinese at that time) simply because they had issues with the PRC government. So we can see here, an inability to distinguish Chinese culture (which has existed for millennia) from PRC politics (whose current ruling party, the CCP, has been in power for less than a century). I personally feel that the CCP, just like any other political party or government in the world, has its own strengths and weaknesses. It has had remarkable successes, but it is also not without its limitations and imperfections. I am neutral towards politics, but I have a great love for Chinese language and literature. I feel very strongly that the Chinese language can heal the soul (just as it has healed mine) due to its great beauty, wisdom and power to inspire perseverance. Due to its pictorial nature, it is more artistic than many other languages, and we all know that great art has both therapeutic and inspirational qualities. It is also an ancient language, and if one is familiar with both classical and modern Chinese, one can derive great wisdom just by reading pieces of classical literature.

How many native English speakers, for example, can read Middle English (the English used a few centuries ago)? Not many. But those who go to Chinese schools learn not just contemporary Chinese (i.e. conversational Chinese, which is only about a century old), but also classical Chinese (which has been used for millennia). In China, for example, it is common for kindergarteners to memorize classical poems and Confucian maxims before they start to read and write. During the Covid pandemic, reading classical Chinese poems has helped me to appreciate the meaning of life. Many of these poems were written by people who had undergone great tragedies (e.g. separations, illnesses, political turmoil), but who still had faith in their country, in the future, and in the beauty of nature. They helped me realize that life doesn’t have to be pleasant to be beautiful or meaningful—a life can be filled with pain, sufferings and separations and still be beautiful, meaningful, memorable and worth living for. The Tang dynasty poem 夜雨寄北 by Li Shangyin, for example, simply means “sending a letter north on a rainy night.” The poet’s wife asked him when he’s going to come home, to which he replied, “How I wish I could go home! It’s flooding here and I can’t enjoy a candlelit dinner with you.” Song dynasty official and poet Lu You wrote 病起书怀, which literally meant “Getting up after an illness, I pick up a book to my bosom.” He had been exiled due to a political intrigue, and had been ill for many weeks, to such a point that he became very thin! Despite that, he still loved and prayed for his country. He couldn’t sleep at night, and so picked up a book to read. The line 位卑未敢忘忧国 (despite my low status, I dare not forget thinking of my country) has been part of Chinese literature ever since. This poem was written in 1176 AD, which proved that patriotism and a love of education had been part of Chinese culture long before the rise of the current government. Those who conflate Chinese culture with politics are missing out on so much treasure and wisdom! But my favorite poem by far is 金缕衣. It teaches me to use my time in this world wisely.

My life story is obviously still being written, so I will not write a concluding paragraph. I hope that I can live a good and meaningful life, filled with genuine friendships in an intellectually and culturally supportive environment. Most importantly, I hope to use my knowledge and talents for the good of others, to help promote a more peaceful and harmonious society.

Audrey YU Jia Hui
April 21, 2022